Loving the flow chart. This reminds me of when my sister had a baby a few months after I had twins. My mum phoned to say my sister had so much spare time compared with me! (I’m sure she didn’t feel like she had spare time).
My flow chart would have looked like a plate of spaghetti. I have amnesia about a lot of this period but I can confirm I pretty much got nothing done.
Lovely reflection! I think as well there’s a feeling that all the things you’re doing for your baby are “nothing” because they’re small tasks, or instinctual tasks that are hard to articulate. So yes, actually mothers are doing so so many things in the first few weeks, but they’re hard to quantify, especially because there’s not uso much sleep going around!
I love this. I might print off your diagram. Also just like chores- the decision when you get that 5 mins of peace if you will care for yourself or do one house task that makes you feel like you have your shit together. I appreciate how you acknowledge that sometimes you just don’t want to do something. When my firstborn was snoozing on me, older female family members would say “Now’s the time to empty the dishwasher, put him down” and I was just felt, but I don’t want to? He was soft and small and smelt nice and I was cosy and I’d just rather not to be honest.
Fellow journo on mat leave looking forward to reading your posts - your flow chart is amazing. Have you read Naomi Stadlen’s What Mothers Do? It’s really great at drilling into the lack of language around mothering and how indescribable and disempowering that makes these relentless days (and often nights!) of constant stuff. (I think our babies must have also been born around the same time - mine was Jan 4th!)
I have not read it, but I’m adding it to my list! I agree it’s seems insurmountable to put into words—it’s so all consuming. But it sounds a bit silly to be like “no, I actually did not have 10 minutes to nip into the shower today.” And yes, we’re very close! My son was born on December 21st. 🥰
Oh my gosh I am so sorry!! I deleted your comment by total mistake— I meant to delete mine as I was only halfway through! I was going to say the point you made about time was so apt—I am thinking about things like starting solids and I am torn between fun new things and wanting him to stay tiny forever 💔
Also, just subscribed and looking forward to reading more.
Too kind! Tksm! 🙏
Welcome to motherhood, Alice x
This was brilliant! I’m sending this to everyone I know with a newborn. And my husband.
My babe just turned 2 months old. That flow chart had me crying laughing.
Loving the flow chart. This reminds me of when my sister had a baby a few months after I had twins. My mum phoned to say my sister had so much spare time compared with me! (I’m sure she didn’t feel like she had spare time).
My flow chart would have looked like a plate of spaghetti. I have amnesia about a lot of this period but I can confirm I pretty much got nothing done.
Lovely reflection! I think as well there’s a feeling that all the things you’re doing for your baby are “nothing” because they’re small tasks, or instinctual tasks that are hard to articulate. So yes, actually mothers are doing so so many things in the first few weeks, but they’re hard to quantify, especially because there’s not uso much sleep going around!
Oh yes, absolutely! I couldn’t “do anything” because I was too busy doing things!
It gets easier to do things each passing week but those first few months are just feed change sleep for sure!
I love this. I might print off your diagram. Also just like chores- the decision when you get that 5 mins of peace if you will care for yourself or do one house task that makes you feel like you have your shit together. I appreciate how you acknowledge that sometimes you just don’t want to do something. When my firstborn was snoozing on me, older female family members would say “Now’s the time to empty the dishwasher, put him down” and I was just felt, but I don’t want to? He was soft and small and smelt nice and I was cosy and I’d just rather not to be honest.
Maybe they could empty the dishwasher instead of telling you what to do, eh!
Fellow journo on mat leave looking forward to reading your posts - your flow chart is amazing. Have you read Naomi Stadlen’s What Mothers Do? It’s really great at drilling into the lack of language around mothering and how indescribable and disempowering that makes these relentless days (and often nights!) of constant stuff. (I think our babies must have also been born around the same time - mine was Jan 4th!)
I have not read it, but I’m adding it to my list! I agree it’s seems insurmountable to put into words—it’s so all consuming. But it sounds a bit silly to be like “no, I actually did not have 10 minutes to nip into the shower today.” And yes, we’re very close! My son was born on December 21st. 🥰
Currently expecting and this was very helpful. Also sending to my husband!
Omg, "probably time to feed the baby" is so accurate 😂 as I sit here feeding the baby.. again..
You and me both, sister.
The first flowchart I think I’ve seen on Substack and one I’m very interested in! Subscribed. Looking forward to reading more
This is such a fantastic way of conveying the experience, I love it! Subscribing for more
I used to think twins were the dream! Now I cannot fathom how anyone does it 🙈. Are you okay?! Do you need help?!
My son is 4m too! I delivered in December :).
Oh my gosh I am so sorry!! I deleted your comment by total mistake— I meant to delete mine as I was only halfway through! I was going to say the point you made about time was so apt—I am thinking about things like starting solids and I am torn between fun new things and wanting him to stay tiny forever 💔